We are superwoman and sometimes as such we get caught up trying to do so many things at one time. We want to be super mommy, super worker, super student, etc. && we expect to do each role well. Whenever we have a minor hiccup while role shifting we let it dictate EVERY role. Stop that.
It's ok to mess up and just because you may have a minor set back by failing a school assignment, having to disciplining your baby, or you eff'd up at work; doesn't mean you fail in all other categories. You ARE still a rock star who happened to slip up. Learn from it and keep going.
As women period we tend to beat ourselves up about so many little things and forget all the other great little and BIG things we have done. I read in a book somewhere (I want to say it was a Joel Olsten one) that in general people tend to remember negative mishaps over positive moments because it takes the brain longer to store and process negative memories. Since it takes the brain longer we are keen to remember those moments with great detail. The solution was to start reprogramming your brain. Start getting full of little happy moments so that you are not lingering on the bad ones.
I think this is a great idea & I think as mothers we probably don't need to create additional happy moments. In fact, we have so many stored that those memories could probably fill up our day. The only thing we need to do is REMEMBER them. When you miss a deadline for a school paper you cant let the guilt of missing the deadline overwhelm you. Reanalyze what you could have done differently, plan to succeed the next time and move on. Instead of letting that negative memory know at your brain think back of when your son took his first steps, said "mommy" for the first time, got caught with his hand in the "cookie jar", etc. Think of the little moments that you had as a mother too... the excitement of getting him a toy you just KNEW he was going to love, playing at the park.
There's so many things that we have to just keep reminding ourselves that we have had the pleasure of experiencing. So many moments that happened as early as the beginning of the year that we might forget by summer.
Have trouble remembering?
Ladies, make a blessings jar. A what? Whelp, (you will probably see throughout my post that I have fallen in love with reading again) there's this great little book by Karen Civil called, Be you and live Civil. (I will complete a blog review on it another day). Anyways, what I loved most about this book is that Karen started the habit of putting her best memories in a jar and at the end of the year she revisited and reflected on that jar. She used a jar, I used a cute little decorated box I found at Michael's. Just find a dedicated box, a pen, and little pieces of paper to take note of all the little "happy" that you experience in life. You can even decorate the box with inspirational quotes to keep you moving. I have a friend that decorated her entire box and than she got a box for her son and he decorated his. Isn't that awesome? She made it a FAMILY tradition to remember all the happy memories. So at the end of the year she will read on about her happy moments and her son will get to remember his as well.
This is phenomenal because it is reminding you of the little things you may have forgotten. Quite honestly, it is OK to forget about all the kick ass things you have when something difficult is going on... remember previous post. I encourage you guys to give it a try, for me I count all my little happy moments and just rejoice in the fact that I have any to count. At the end of the year I plan on taking the Karen Civil approach and reading them all off to start my following year on a positive "little bit of happy bits" note.
Just counting those moments for me helps me to be content with the FACT that even through it all life is pretty good. I have been through some really tough situations and what has honestly pulled me through is remembering how happy my son was during this moment. Our children give us so many happy memories it seems logical to try and just put them in that blessings box. As the wonderful mother's that we are, we have an abundance of memories where our son's gave us a lot of blissful joy. Enjoying the same happiness of a previous memory with the little monsters will do the trick when you feel like you don't have it together. I've come to the conclusion that if my brain is going to keep reminding me naturally of the negative memories than I am creating twice as many little moments of happiness to keep my brain busy.