A pictures worth a thousand words right? I think this one sums up the content of this post nicely. I think one of the toughest thing for another man to deal with going into a relationship is understanding how he should treat a child that isn't his. That is understandable, he doesn't know if your son will like him? Respect him? Shut him out? He also doesn't know how he should guide another man's child, i.e. guide him if he's on the wrong path, punish him, etc. Thus from the beginning this is a conversation that you need to have. Beaut. Make it clear that his ass is NOT to touch your child & if you think he should be allowed to... don't.
As a mother we want to provide a male role for our sons because we have our subconscious nagging at us & reminding us that we cannot possibly fill the void of a father not being around. That's cool. That's your "I want my baby fulfilled and completely happy" senses coming in. But, watch who you bring around your child as that male figure. Not everyone has the right to discipline your child I don't care if you have been with him for four days, four months, or four years. The devil can look like LL COOL J, sing to you like Genuine, and turn out to be another Ike.
If you never ask him, you will never know what their definition of discipline is in comparison to ours. How could you if you never asked. You never indicated how you expect him to act if your child is showing out and for whatever reason you are not automatically around. For all you know he got his ass beat up side the head for talking too loud, not moving fast enough, or talking back. Does that mean you want your child being popped by him when baby boy is acting out? Hell no. So let him know that. Until he has earned, i.e. you guys are married, he has been raising (no I don't mean just being there because your there... but thats a whole other topic) your son for YEARS, i.e. consistency, or he has adopted the child, he has no rights to putting hands on your child. Shit can go left for the two of you after two years but the fact that you have a son isn't going to change.
Every man that is around shouldn't be a warning to your son that he can get whooped. If that's the case after awhile your son is going to automatically have ill will towards any Jo that comes through. Now, can he tell him when he needs to calm down? Take a toy away? Tell him to take his little bad ass to time out? It depends on what your comfortable with. Yes, your son needs to respect male authority and understand that he can't come running to you and disrespect your partner. So having that crucial conversation with your partner AND your son (if he is old enough) to establish what is and what is not tolerated is important.
If your son is old enough to understand he needs to know that he should respect your partner and that if he does not toys, electronics, etc. can be taken or he can stare at the wall for 15 minutes in time out. He also needs to know that being beaten by your partner is not acceptable and if the fool is crazy enough to threaten your child or lay hands on him; your son should know that is something he needs to tell you. If he doesn't respect your choices on disciplining YOUR child than kick his ass to the curb. Never let someone treat your child in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable & never let your child feel comfortable with every man that crosses y'all path having the permission to put hands on him.
If nothing else convinces you to set boundaries and not allow your partner to physically punish your child think of this... if your son came home telling you that daddy's girlfriend put hands on him for XYZ reason... are you going to turn into the woman in the above picture? Do you already have confirmed who is going to be bailing you out of jail? Exactly!