There is nothing to fear but fear itself

There is nothing to fear but fear itself

My grandmother, 

My grandmother was a Godly woman. She dropped out of school in the 8th grade to take care of her brothers and sisters. She got married young and took care of her children and cried over the ones who were born but didn't breathe. She cooked dinners on Sundays and read scripture until the night. My grandmother didn't drive. She tried once, a truck scared her and she never drove again. Every time I hear of that story it makes me wonder... 

What would my grandmother have done if she could come and go freely? Where would she go when she needed peace? What other sources of income would she have generated? Would she have left uncomfortable situations sooner if she could've just left? 

Would would my grandmother have done if she would've stood up to her parents and continued her education? What would she have done if she said no more than yes? If she had pushed past fear. Would I have known her better? Would I have known what kept her up at night? What made her happy? What she wanted out of life? Would I have known her dreams? Would she have lived them? 

So many questions... left unanswered. So many lives... half lived. So many dreams... never manifested. Out of fear. When my grandmother passed away, it hurt me that I couldn't answer these questions about her. I realized that she normalized staying in the shadows of fear. & because she normalized it she hid in the shadows of herself. 


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