It's stuck on a memory loop... a conversation I had with my brother. I was telling him how I was conflicted because I landed my "dream job" and still felt like it wasn't enough. I was still struggling, I still felt the lack. My brother told me, "when will it be enough? You are further than anyone in this family... when will you be satisfied?" My brother had good intentions but the conversation internalized a guilt in me. How could I be so ungrateful as to want more? Why wasn't this enough? Well because it wasn't. What I had was more than what I was used to. It was more than what my family was used to but we came from a place of lack. So from that lacking perspective, everything was "enough".
But I wanted to create a future where my son wouldn't lack. Where he no longer would be hungry, never feel the hardness of a floor while he slept, never have to walk or ask for rides to get where he needed to go. I wanted my son to have a place to lay his head, a vehicle to transport him to greatness, an income that no one could take away. That salary wasn't going to provide those opportunities for him. I had to tap into my desires, I had to want more, to make what I wanted to happen. & that was okay. It's okay to be in gratitude at your current and still dream of creating more because more is out there. It is possible. It wouldn't have manifested in your mind if it couldn't be so.
- Read the book, "Ask and it is Given" by Esther & Jerry Hicks
- Watch the video, "Everything Must Go" by Sarah Jakes Roberts
- Read the blog, "Desire is not Bad" on the Huffington Post